Saturday, 23 September 2017
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This is an old story and I'm sure those of you who know me personally have read or heard it from me in the past. Today, it flashed back - for no apparent reason - with great suddenness and to my own surprise I found myself resonating in synchronicity with the story's protagonist. Let me share it with you guys.
This is a story of an amazing guy I had befriended in Delhi way back in 1989. Those days, I traveled to Delhi frequently on work.
His name's Ramesh Khurana and we're still in touch. Back then, Ramesh worked as a restaurant manager in a small eatery in Karol Bagh and being the incorrigible “foodie” that I was, I became a frequent visitor to the restaurant. Ramesh was one of those guys who would perennially sustain a smile and a good mood. When someone asked him how he was doing, he would invariably reply, "If  I were any better, I would be twins!"
Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed his - just to remain with him. They loved and admired his attitude.
Ramesh was a natural motivator. If a colleague was having a bad day, he would always be there showing him the positive side of things. Seeing his working style, kind of, fascinated me. One evening I actually asked him, "I just don't get it! No one can be a positive person ALL the time. How do you do it?"
Ramesh replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose the good mood.”
"But it's not always so easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is", he said. "Life's all about simple choices. That's what I have learnt the hard way."
Incidentally, Ramesh had been orphaned at the age of four and had a painful upbringing under meager resources of a distant uncle in Haryana.
The conversation didn’t prolong. The day passed and life carried on. I moved back to my home-city Kolkata and Ramesh became a fading memory.
A good six years later I got to hear again about Ramesh Khurana.
Ramesh, then the manager of a large South Delhi restaurant, had met with an accident. He had mistakenly done something that he wasn't supposed to do. He had left the rear entry to the restaurant open in the morning (he usually arrived very early, much before the staff did) and had been attacked by three armed men who had sneaked in through the open rear door to rob. While trying to open the cash safe at gunpoint, his hand, shaking from nervousness, had slipped off the combination. Seeing this, the robbers had shot him and sped.
Luckily, Ramesh was found quickly and rushed to the AIIMS with two shoulder bullet wounds, unconscious and profusely bleeding. After 8 hours of surgery and weeks under intensive care, he survived.  
I met Ramesh seven-eight months later. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins! Want to see my bullet scars?" I declined but asked him how it had all happened. He said, "When they brandished a gun at me, the first thing that went through my mind was that I shouldn’t have forgotten to lock the rear door. Then, after they shot me and I lay bleeding on the floor, I remembered I had two choices: I could choose to live or choose to die. You know me. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared?" was all that I could ask.
Ramesh continued, "The paramedics were really good. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. I had been bandaged chest-upwards and administered strong painkiller shots. But when they wheeled me to the OT an hour or so later I faintly saw the expressions on the faces of the doc's and the nurses, I got really, really scared. In their eyes, I read, HE'S A DEAD MAN. I wished I could do something but the pain all over was so excruciating.""And then?" I asked.
"Well, there was this big nurse shouting questions to a semi-conscious semi-sedated me. I remember she was asking if I was allergic to anything. 'YES,' I murmured. The doc's stopped for a few seconds waiting for my answer. I took a deep breath, garnered all the strength that I could and croaked, ‘I AM ALLERGIC TO BULLETS!’ I could hear their laughter. I told them, ‘I have chosen to live. Please remember that.’ And, well, here I am – still alive and kicking!”
Ramesh and I are still good friends though we live again in different cities. But every time we get to meet in person I don’t forget to tell him that I've learnt the single most important lesson of my life from him: that every day you have the choice to either love life or to hate it, to either be alive or dead.”

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This Fathers' Day, let me share with you a short story written by my teen daughter, Trisha - a ninth standard student. The story, based on a real-life incident, carries an inadvertent little learning on situational leadership. I hope you guys like it.
It wasn’t yesterday. It was six years ago. And I can still see his anguished face, his petrified eyes. I can still hear his impassioned plea in a low, hoarse whisper, “Please save my life. Please.” I’ll never be able to forget that morning.
May, 2011. West Bengal – perennially famous for political volatility – was on fire. There was vandalism, there were bloodbaths. Fresh winds of political change were blowing. Schools had closed for the summer holidays.
Back home in Kolkata, it was just another sultry morning. Dad had gone out for work. Mom was busy supervising housekeeping and cooking. And I was trying hard to concentrate on holiday homework – my mind fleeting every now and then to the escapades of my 14-year-old hero, Frederick Algernon Trotteville (Fatty, to those of you who’ve forgotten his full name).
I moved out for a little stroll on the verandah. But, hello! What was this? Why were the terrace stairs dark?
At one end of the large verandah was a flight of stairs leading to the rooftop terrace. It should’ve been brightly sunlit this time of the day.
A tad surprised, I moved towards the stairs and started stepping up cautiously. It seemed that the wooden door at the top of the stairway was shut. I was intrigued. Then something moved two steps above me. And I shrieked! Maaaa!
Thankfully, Mom wasn’t far. “NOW, what’s your problem?” She came and stood beside me. In near-darkness, we could make out a human form. Someone was crouching on the stairs. For a moment, she too seemed to lose her voice. “Who, who …,” the rest was inaudible.  I was trembling, trying hard not to let it show.
The human form moved up a little and pushed the terrace door ajar. It was a man. Not more than twenty or twenty-one. In shabby torn denims and a dirty whitish shirt. He had unkempt hair, unclean stubble but eyes with fire in them. By then Mom had regained her composure. “WHO are you? I’m calling the police RIGHT NOWMa’am, please listen to me. Please hear me out. I’m not a thief or a criminal,” he said. There was conviction in his voice. There was a polish of education.
“Just how did you get in here?” Mom asked coldly.
“I’m Bachchu. I live two lanes away. I’m a political worker. I jumped in here from the terrace of the next house. They’re after me. They’ll kill me if they get me. Please save my life. Please.” We both heard a ring of panic in those words.
Mom stood silent for a second. She must’vefelt that this man was telling the truth. “Just come with me. Mind you, not a word, and NO hanky-panky.”
She tiptoed down the stairs, the man following her, me behind … on the ground floor, across a small courtyard and to a door that opened on to a narrow walled backyard. The backyard bordered the compound of the house behind that had its front door on a street perpendicular to ours.
The latch on the backyard door opened noiselessly. We stepped out. “Cross this, jump down and run. You’ll reach another street.”
“Yes, yes, I know …. thank you, Auntie!” and in a fraction of a moment, he bent down, touched Mom’s feet and jumped up the low wall. A thud, a few pattering steps and then no more sound.
In two minutes our doorbell rang thrice. It was a posse of uniformed policemen.
“Who do you want?” There was no trace of abnormality in Mom’s voice.
“We’re looking for a fugitive political leader. He’s on the run. Have you seen him?’We haven’t seen or heard anyone, officer.”
“Oh, no problem, Ma’am, please sound us if you do. Sorry to have disturbed you.” They left.
Mom looked at me, a slight smile fleeting across her lips.
Bachchu had been saved, never mind what his political color was, never mind if his ideology was ‘right’ or ‘left'.
(Trisha Roy)
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Friday, 22 September 2017
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Before you can answer that question, you need to know yourself well. For example, consider the following factors:

Relationships

How do you treat your parents and siblings? Do you often lose your self-control with them, perhaps using harsh or sarcastic language to make a point? What would they say about you in that regard? How you deal with family members indicates how you will treat a mate.​—Ephesians 4:31.

Demeanor

Are you positive or pessimistic? Are you reasonable, or do you always insist on doing things a certain way—your way? Can you keep calm when under pressure? Are you patient? Cultivating the fruitage of God’s spirit now will help you prepare for being a husband or a wife later.​—Galatians 5:22, 23.

Finances

How well do you handle money? Are you often in debt? Can you hold down a job? If not, why not? Is it because of the job? The employer? Or is it because of some habit or trait that you need to work on? If you have trouble handling your own finances, how will you manage those of a family?​—1 Timothy 5:8.

Spirituality

 Do you take the initiative to read God’s Word, to engage in the ministry, and to participate at Christian fellowship? The person you marry deserves nothing less than a spiritually strong partner.​—Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10.
The more you understand yourself, the better equipped you will be to find someone who will amplify your strengths rather than your weaknesses.
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Six young people’s left hands, each with a ring on one finger

Virginity Pledges

 What is a virginity pledge?

A virginity pledge is a written or oral promise to maintain sexual abstinence until marriage.
Virginity pledges became popular in the 1990’s when the Southern Baptist Convention in the United States launched “True Love Waits”—a program that combined Biblical values with positive peer pressure to encourage young people to say no to sex before marriage.
A similar program, started soon afterward, featured events where attendees who took the pledge were given a silver ring to symbolize (and remind them of) their no-sex-before-marriage commitment.

 Do virginity pledges work?

The answer depends on whom you ask.
  • According to researchers Christine C. Kim and Robert Rector, “several studies have found that adolescent virginity pledging was associated with delayed or reduced levels of teen sexual activity.”
  • According to research published by the Guttmacher Institute, studies indicate that “teens who take ‘virginity pledges’ are just as likely to have sex as those who do not.”
Why the conflicting results?
  • Some studies compare pledgers with non-pledgers who do not share similar beliefs about sex.
  • Other studies compare pledgers with non-pledgers who share similar beliefs about sex.
  • What did the latter type of study reveal? Dr. Janet Rosenbaum, a specialist in adolescent health issues, says that after five years, “pledgers and non-pledgers don’t differ at all in their sexual behavior.”

     A better approach

    Virginity pledge programs have a noble goal. The problem is, they don’t necessarily instill the values needed for follow-through. Many who promise to remain virgins “aren’t really internalizing the pledge,” says Dr. Rosenbaum. “Abstinence has to come from an individual conviction rather than participating ina program.”
    The Bible encourages such individual conviction, not by having a person take a written or oral pledge, but by helping him to “have [his] powers of discernment trained to distinguish both right and wrong.” (Hebrews 5:14) After all, virginity is not just a matter of avoiding disease and pregnancy; it is a way to show honor to the Creator of marriage.—Matthew 5:19; 19:4-6.The standards set forth in the Bible are for our good. (Isaiah 48:17) Indeed, all people—regardless of their age—can develop the strength of character to obey God’s command to “flee from sexual immorality.” (1 Corinthians 6:18) When they do marry, they will thus be able to enjoy intimacy fully, without the worries and regrets that are so often the aftermath of premarital sex.



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 What is sexting?

“Sexting” is the practice of sending sexually explicit texts, photos, or videos via cell phone. “It’s almost the normal order of operation now,” says one man. “You text back and forth and pretty soon you’re exchanging hot photos.”
Why do people do it? The way some teenagers see it, “having a naked picture of your significant other on your cellphone is an advertisement that you’re sexually active,” says a senior deputy prosecuting attorney quoted in The New York Times. “It’s an electronic hickey.” One teenage even calls it a form of “safe sex.” After all, she says, “you can’t get pregnant from it and you can’t transmit S.T.D.’s.”
Other reasons teenagers sext include the following:
  • To flirt with someone they hope to be in a relationship with.
  • Because someone has already sent them an explicit photo and they feel pressured to ‘return the favor.’

 What are the consequences of sexting?

Once you send a photo via cell phone, you no longer own it, nor can you control how it might be used​—⁠or how it will affect your reputation. “Mistakes and transgressions have never been so easily transmitted and archived for others to see,” says Amanda Lenhart, senior research specialist and author of a Pew Research Center report on sexting.
In some cases
  • Nude photos have been mass-forwarded by the recipient to entertain his friends.
  • Jilted boyfriends have distributed nude photos as a way to get revenge.
DID YOU KNOW? In many cases, sexting nude photos has been considered the same as child abuse or distributing child pornography. Some minors who have sexted have even been prosecuted as sex offenders.

What does the Bible say?

The Bible speaks favorably of sexual pleasure within marriage. (Proverbs 5:​18) However, it takes a clear stand on sexual conduct between unmarried persons. Consider the following Bible verses:
  • “Let fornication and uncleanness of every sort or greediness not even be mentioned among you, . . . neither shameful conduct nor foolish talking nor obscene jesting.”​—⁠Ephesians 5:​3, 4.
  • “Deaden . . . your body members that are upon the earth as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite, hurtful desire, and covetousness.”​—⁠Colossians 3:⁠5.
Those verses warn not only against “fornication” (sexual relations outside of marriage) but also against such things as “uncleanness” (a broad term that refers to any type of moral impurity) and “sexual appetite” (referring not to normal romantic feelings that can be satisfied in marriage but to a passion that likely will lead to improper conduct).
Ask yourself:
  • How is sexting nude photos a form of “uncleanness”?
  • In what way does it fuel improper “sexual appetite”?
  • Why is the desire to view or spread nude photos “hurtful”?
The following Bible passages point to an even more compelling reason to shun sexting.
  • “Do your utmost to present yourself approved to God, a workman with nothing to be ashamed of.”​—⁠2 Timothy 2:​15.
  • “What sort of persons ought you to be in holy acts of conduct and deeds of godly devotion!”​—⁠2 Peter 3:​11.
Those verses describe the positive results of being morally upright. When you have praiseworthy conduct, you do not need to be fearful of impulsive acts coming back to haunt you.​—⁠Galatians 6:⁠7.

Fact of life: Sexting degrades both the sender and the viewer. “It makes me feel so disgusted and disappointed with myself,” says one teenager whose boyfriend pressured her into sexting him.
In view of the moral, ethical, and possible legal consequences of sexting, you would do well to follow the Bible’s advice:

 What would you do?

Apply the Bible’s advice in a real-life situation. Read Janet’s statement, and then choose which option you think is best.
“One time I met a boy, and we exchanged numbers. Within a week he was asking me to send him pictures of me in a bikini.”​—⁠Janet.
What do you think Janet should have done? What would you do?
  • OPTION A You could reason: ‘There’s nothing wrong with that. After all, if we went to the beach, he would see me in a bathing suit anyway.’
  • OPTION B You could reason: ‘I’m not sure what he’s up to. Let me send a photo that’s less revealing and see what happens after that.’
  • OPTION C You could reason: ‘This boy is out for only one thing. I’m going to delete his message.’
    • Option C seems best, doesn’t it? After all, the Bible says: “Sensible people will see trouble coming and avoid it, but an unthinking person will walk right into it and regret it later.”​—⁠Proverbs 22:3, Good News Translation.
    This exercise points to an issue that is often at the root of sexting as well as other forms of misconduct: Are you selective in your choice of friends? (Proverbs 13:⁠20) “Associate with people you know will not tolerate inappropriate behavior,” says a young woman named Sarah. A young woman named Delia would agree. “Some so-called friends are trying, not to help you keep your morals, but to break them,” she says. “If their conduct is contrary to God’s laws, they are encouraging you to break your moral integrity. Do you really want that?”
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  • September 22, 2017
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       IT SEEMS so ironic: Even when people face the threat of losing their job, their home, and even their pension, many of them are still obsessed with getting anything and everything that money can buy.
Such people are easy targets for advertisers, whose seductive marketing campaigns tell us that we must have a bigger home, a better car, and brand-name clothes. No cash? No problem—buy on credit! For many, the goal is to look well-off even if they are deep in debt.
Of course, sooner or later reality sets in. “Buying flashy consumer goods on credit in order to look and feel like a winner is similar to hitting the crack pipe in order to improve your mood,” says the book The Narcissism Epidemic. “Both are initially cheap and work really well—but only for a very short period of time. In the long term both leave  you penniless and depressed.”
The Bible exposes the folly of what it calls “the showy display of one’s means of life.” (1 John 2:16) The fact is, an obsession with possessions distracts us from the very things that matter most in life—the things that money cannot buy. Consider three examples.

1. FAMILY UNITY

Brianne, * a teenager in the United States, feels that her father places too much importance on his job and the money it provides. “We have everything we need and more,” she says, “but my dad is never home because he is always traveling. I know it’s because of his work, but I think he has a responsibility to his family too!”

To think about: What regrets might Brianne’s father experience later in life? By putting too much emphasis on material things, how is he affecting his relationship with his daughter? What does his family need from him more than money?
Bible principles to consider:
  • “The love of money causes all kinds of trouble. Some people want money so much that they have . . . caused themselves a lot of pain.”—1 Timothy 6:10, Contemporary English Version.
  • “Better to eat vegetables with people you love than to eat the finest meat where there is hate.”—Proverbs 15:17, Good News Translation.
The bottom line: Money cannot buy family unity. That only comes from spending time with your family and giving them adequate love and attention.—Colossians 3:18-21.

2. GENUINE SECURITY

“My mom is always telling me that I need to marry a man with a lot of money and learn a trade so that I can have a good job to fall back on for the rest of my life,” says 17-year-old Sarah. “The only thing that seems to be on her mind is where her next paycheck is coming from.”

To think about: When contemplating the future, what legitimate concerns do you have? When does legitimate concern cross the line and become inordinate worry? How might Sarah’s mom provide a more balanced approach to financial security?
Bible principles to consider:
  • “Stop storing up for yourselves treasures upon the earth, where moth and rust consume, and where thieves break in and steal.”—Matthew 6:19.
  • “You do not know what your life will be tomorrow.”—James 4:14.
The bottom line: There is more to a secure future than stockpiling money. After all, money can be stolen—and it cannot cure disease or prevent death. (Ecclesiastes 7:12) The Bible teaches that genuine security comes from knowing God and his purpose.—John 17:3.

 3. PERSONAL CONTENTMENT

“My parents raised me to live simply,” says 24-year-old Tanya. “My twin sister and I were happy growing up, even though much of the time we had only enough to get by.”
To think about: Why might it  be difficult to be content with basic necessities? When it comes to attitudes toward money, what example do you set for your family?
Bible principles to consider:
  • “Having sustenance and covering, we shall be content with these things.”—1 Timothy 6:8.
  • “Happy are those conscious  of their spiritual need.”—Matthew 5:3.
    • The bottom line: There is more to life than money and the things it can buy.
    . After all, it is as the Bible says: “Even when a person has an abundance his life does not result from the things he possesses.” (Luke 12:15) Really, the greatest satisfaction in life comes from answering important questions such as these:
    • Why are we here?
    • What does the future hold?
    • How can I fill my spiritual needs?
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THE CHALLENGE

“You’re not listening to me!” your spouse says. ‘But I was,’ you tell yourself. Evidently, though, what you heard is different from what your spouse said. As a result, another argument erupts.
You can avoid these conflicts. First, though, you need to understand why you might miss important details in what your spouse is saying—even though you think that you are listening.

WHY IT HAPPENS

You are distracted, tired, or both. The kids are yelling, the television is blaring, and you are thinking about a problem you had at work. Now your spouse starts talking to you—something about expecting visitors tonight. You nod “OK,” but did you really hear what was said? Likely not.

You make assumptions. This has been called a damaging form of “mind reading.” You assume that there is a hidden message behind your spouse’s words, when in fact you may be reading too much into the situation. For example, suppose your spouse says: “You’ve spent a lot of extra time at work this week.” Interpreting this as criticism, you say: “It’s not my fault! I have to work extra hours because you are running up our bills.” “I wasn’t blaming you!” shouts your mate—whose original intention was merely to suggest a relaxing weekend together.
ou look for solutions prematurely. “Sometimes I just want to express how I feel,” says Marcie, * “but Mike wants to tell me how to fix it. I don’t want to fix it. I just want him to know how I’m feeling.” The problem? Mike’s mind is racing to find a solution. As a result, he will probably miss some or all of what Marcie is saying.
Whatever the cause of the problem, how can you become a better listener?

 WHAT YOU CAN DO

Give your complete attention. Your spouse has something important to say, but are you ready to listen? Perhaps not. Your mind may be on other things just now. If so, do not pretend to listen. If possible, put aside what you are doing and give your mate your full attention, or perhaps you could ask your mate to wait until you are able to do so.—Bible principle: James 1:19.
Agree to speak one at a time. When it is your turn to listen, resist the urge to interrupt or disagree. You will get your turn to speak. For now, just listen.—Bible principle: Proverbs 18:13.
Ask questions. This will make you better able to understand what your mate is saying. Marcie, quoted earlier, says: “I love it when Mike asks questions. It shows me that he’s interested in what I’m saying.”
Listen for the message, not just the words. Note what is conveyed by body language, eye movement, and tone of voice. “That’s fine” might really mean “That’s not fine”—depending on how it is said. “You never offer to help me” might really mean “I feel I’m not important to you.” Try to get the real message, even if it is not spoken. Otherwise, you may end up debating over what was said instead of focusing on what was meant.
Keep listening. Do not tune out or walk away, even if what you are hearing displeases you. For example, what if your mate is criticizing you? “Keep listening,” advises Gregory, who has been married for over 60 years. “Give genuine consideration to what your mate is saying. This takes a measure of maturity, but it pays off.”—Bible principle: Proverbs 18:15.
Be sincerely interested in your mate. Active listening is, not a  mere technique, but an act of love. When you have genuine interest in what your mate is saying, listening becomes less forced and more natural. In this way you will be following the Bible’s admonition: “Look out for one anotherʼs interests, not just for your own.”—Philippians 2:4, Good News 

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